What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to overcome? May 23, 2007

By accident we stumbled into Tompskin Square Park to film this videoblog episode.  The question we asked was “What is the hardest thing you’ve had to overcome?”  It is a heavier episode/blog for us, but amazing answers really.  I love that everyone’s reality is different.  The things we struggle with vary so much…and each thing no matter how tough you or I may perceive it is real for that person.

I answered being gay in the midwest in our vodcast…and while that is real. I feel the answer that is really true for me and which I am still trying to overcome is loss.  The loss of a loved ones.  When I was younger loss came in the form of a relationship ending…my first love and I splittin up…my partner a few years ago, but the real loss occurs when someone is gone from this earth.  The loss of my cousin to leukemia when I was in my 20’s, he was so young and beautiful…but the death of my grandmother was even harder.  She was my soulmate.  It is too fresh (even though it’s been 4 years) to think about sometimes.  She was my best friend…She nurtured me and accepted me unconditionally.  She taught me so much about the world…shared her stories and love for poetry and words and gardening and food and exploration and life with me.  She taught me things I would not have normally learned in the middle of Indiana.  And as I grew up we would exchange advice.  I remember the first time she wanted my opinion on a situation with some of her friends.  Our relationship was timeless and not bound by the age difference.  We shared so much. She had a broad mind and overcoming the loss of her this life time is something I am not sure how to do. You just go on…time I suppose.  For quite a while I just blocked it out, but then pieces come back.  It feels good to remember now.  We all have loss in this life, I know I am not the only one having a hard time overcoming it. 

What inspires you? May 18, 2007

Kathryn and I put the following video together last week.  We shot in Time Square and the theatre district.  We asked people what inpires them.  We got some great answers to the question.  I am looking at this again tonight becuase I used to feel inspired by so many things…and lately it gets tough.  But as I say in the videoblog, New York inpires me.  If it weren’t 4 in the morning I’d go take a walk and find some inspiriation out there.  As it is, I am just thinking about inspiration…With that said I though I’d put this out there.

 

Why do you wake up each day? April 4, 2007

Why do you wake up each day?

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Why do you wake up each day? I am sitting here with a cup of coffee wondering why I am up…but then I remember. People get up for different reason. Check it out.
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Who or What do you love? March 7, 2007

So for Valentine’s Day, Youtube.com  sponsored a little question of the month.  We used their question.  It is a little sappy for me, but we did it at fashion week, and got some great answers. There were some beautiful people, inside and out.  But it has had me thinking a lot.  What do I love the most?  Who do I love the most?  I hate committing to an answer, so I am not sure what that says about me.  I love my boyfriend, but is he who I love most?  I answered my mom…like a lot of people, I suppose there is something about mothers.  If they are good, they provide unconditional love and support, partciularly when you are a child.  Mine was awesome.  She loves me more than anyone in the world.  There is something very special about that for me.  I also lucked out because she is cool…smart, pretty savvy.   She would have loved Fashion Week too.  She is always beautifully dressed, but then she can roll up her sleaves and work really hard.  She inspires people…gives to her community.  As a teacher and director, she inspires many children to dream bigger and believe in him/herself.    So I do love her most.  I have known her longest.  I also love my friends.  I have a group of amazing friends that support me…and there is my brother.  Of course, my mother when asked by my younger brother if she loved me more replied to him, “well, which of your puppies do you love most?”  He had two…he said, “I can’t pick,  they each have something special and I love both of them so much.”  He was 9 or 10 at the time.   She said, ”exactly, I can love both of you.” That has always stuck.  I think you can love a number of people.  And again I ramble.  Is it really clear to some people?  

There is also “What do you love most?”  Something material…I LOVE CLOTHES.  I love beautiful fabrics, the perfect cut, the way something fits….moves.  On the show I answered beauty because clothes are in there somewhere for me.   I want to be clear that I think beauty can be found in the most mundane places…and I love to find the beauty in each person.  I truly believe that everyone has something beautiful about him/her.  Sometimes it is hard to find…but the trick is to keep looking for it, because you can find it and it can inspire.  Anyway, check out the video, I am curious what other people love most…and the who.

 

Of course after watching that again…I love the young girl who loves Mary and Kate…and then EVERYTHING!  ..and then the guy that loves his dog.  But my favorite is the guy who says his what is his boyfriend “Jamie” and his who is “Jamie”….of course, Jamie says, “Billy”  and then “Candy” …it makes me laugh.  Sweet.  Let me know what you think.

Question of the week on www.ifnotnow.net February 19, 2007

So my friend Kathryn and I host this videoblog and we ask people on the street a different question each week.  I always find it amazing how brutally honest people can be to a stranger on the street.  I often think they are inspired by the city.  It begs you to be raw.  I find the answers inspiring…and I learn a lot about myself. 

In this particular video we asked people what decision they would change in their life….if they had one to change.  I guess ultimately I wouldn’t be here now, if I changed my history, but is that true?  Would we find a way to be in the place we are supposed to be irregardless of which events we extricated from our lives?  I sometimes wish I could skip over the really bad parts.  The parts that are so damaging and from which you often don’t heal…or a little part of you is lost.  I can sprial down when I think of certain events.  However, I am here now, moving forward creating a new life in the city.   It is intresting how those things that we all experience; death, divorce, deceit, whatever it might be, we feel like we are the first, and picking yourself up from those things can be tough.  I would love to change all of those events, but I wouldn’t be as aware as I am now.  I might not have the wonderful friends I have.  Hmmm?  I ramble. 

 When I was asked the question my first intinct was to walk right by someone who ultimately ended up breaking my heart in such damaging ways.  The truth is though, I am now in a fantastic relationship. Perhaps I wouldn’t cherish it as much as I do if I had not had that first experience.  Perhaps I wouldn’t have met the one I am dating now.  Hmmm?

Just thoughts on a Saturday afternoon….