I am figuring this out. I want to inspire myself each day. I used to keep a journal, but thought why not a blog. For me, insight comes from writing. Perhaps sharing the writing will bring insightful comments….or hecklers. I try to find the most positive outlook each day. I am creating the world in which I want to live. I visualize it, I feel it, I am happy about it. It seems the more I do this, the more I receive. I am grateful for each moment. I wasn’t always. Even up to a month ago I would often go down a dark spiral, but there is so much good in my world. Somehow I am now able to celebrate it. There was this immense shift that was barely perceptible. It was so soft I wasn’t sure it happened. It started in my brain, and then ever so slightly in my body. Almost as though it were tingling. It seems that by telling myself that things were better, they became so. Feeling all of what is underneath is the important step. I for once didn’t supress all the crap inside. I just let it flow through and out. I think by allowing it space it created more space for the good stuff. I also keep reminding myself that it is there. It is available. It has become a mantra. “I am whole, perfect, strong, loving, harmonious and happy.” It beats repeating “you idiot”. So this new mantra has become habitual and changes the way I feel. I am no longer berating myself at every turn. It feels pretty wonderful. I fear sounding too “peace and light”, but if that is how I am feeling ~ so be it. I have a self-deprecating side that I’ve given too much weight over the past years. It is time for something different. I feel brighter.
Question of the week on www.ifnotnow.net February 19, 2007
So my friend Kathryn and I host this videoblog and we ask people on the street a different question each week. I always find it amazing how brutally honest people can be to a stranger on the street. I often think they are inspired by the city. It begs you to be raw. I find the answers inspiring…and I learn a lot about myself.
In this particular video we asked people what decision they would change in their life….if they had one to change. I guess ultimately I wouldn’t be here now, if I changed my history, but is that true? Would we find a way to be in the place we are supposed to be irregardless of which events we extricated from our lives? I sometimes wish I could skip over the really bad parts. The parts that are so damaging and from which you often don’t heal…or a little part of you is lost. I can sprial down when I think of certain events. However, I am here now, moving forward creating a new life in the city. It is intresting how those things that we all experience; death, divorce, deceit, whatever it might be, we feel like we are the first, and picking yourself up from those things can be tough. I would love to change all of those events, but I wouldn’t be as aware as I am now. I might not have the wonderful friends I have. Hmmm? I ramble.
When I was asked the question my first intinct was to walk right by someone who ultimately ended up breaking my heart in such damaging ways. The truth is though, I am now in a fantastic relationship. Perhaps I wouldn’t cherish it as much as I do if I had not had that first experience. Perhaps I wouldn’t have met the one I am dating now. Hmmm?
Just thoughts on a Saturday afternoon….
Hello world! February 18, 2007
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